My Teen is Abusive! What Do I Do?

My Teen is Abusive! What Do I Do?

Hello my friend,

In my support group I hear many things and I experience different situations. I have learned how to help these women to get stronger, healthier and learn that they are valuable and they matter.

At times something comes up that leaves me struggling with what to say. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen often but it does happen.   Some situations are just not easy and that is what has brought me to this post.

I went through some pretty tough stuff with one of my children.  It was a long, hard road.  I learned a lot along the way but I was never abused by my teen.  I can’t even imagine, especially when you have escaped abuse yourself.

(A Book that might be helpful)  When Dad Hurts Mom

So what do you do when your son is basically a child…, he is bigger than you and he has physically and emotionally abused you?  This is tough for us parents.  It is difficult to do the hard stuff.

You want to protect your children!  You don’t want the choices they are making to affect their future so it is a struggle to do things like calling the police.

Let’s talk!

First, what is parent abuse?

Parent abuse is any act of a child that is intended to cause physical,psychological or financial damage to gain power and control over a parent. Any behavior that is deliberately harmful to the parent and used as a form of control may be defined as abuse. The abuse may be physical, psychological (including verbal) or financial.

To help families and stop parent abuse, we have to break the silence that surrounds it. Because parent abuse is not consistently recognized it often goes unaddressed—and worse, becomes tolerated behavior. The first step to ending the abuse is recognizing that it is abuse.

If your teen is abusing you it is important that you do something about it. One in three women are in or have been in an abusive relationship.  These abusive teens are growing up to be adults and if not addressed, they will continue to abuse.

Your first step is to come out of denial.

All abused parents experience a range of emotions, from fear of their teenager and fear for the safety of their teenager, to guilt about pressing police charges for assault. Most parents have difficulty accepting that their child could be abusive toward them and may initially deny the problem.

What can you do?

1.  Clearly Communicate Boundaries.

Boundaries are important to set but sticking to them is more important. Make sure your child understands your physical and emotional boundaries. You may need to clearly state: “It’s not okay to yell or push or hit me.”  You have to mean it when you say it.  Be consistent and don’t allow this behavior.

2.  Take Away Their Power! 

The best way to take away their power is the same as adult abuse.  Do not engage with them.  When they begin to attack you verbally, tell them “It is not okay to yell at me or talk to me this way.” than walk away to another room and shut the door.  If you have to, just leave the house, go for a walk or a drive. What ever you have to do to keep yourself from engaging with him. However, always make sure you are safe.  If you feel you may be attacked, call the police and do your best to get out of the house safely.

3.  Clearly Communicate Consequences For Abusive Behavior. 

Tell your teen: “If you hit me, throw something at me or otherwise hurt me physically, that’s called domestic violence and assault. Even though I love you, I will call you the police and you will be held accountable for your behavior.”  Then – again – make sure your actions match your words. If you don’t think you can follow through with contacting the police – don’t say you will. This will only reinforce to your child that you make “threats” that won’t be carried out.

This article may be helpful.  How to talk to police when your child is physically abusive.  

5. Get Support.

Parental abuse is a form of domestic violence. It’s a serious issue and needs immediate attention and intervention. Domestic violence has traditionally been characterized by silence. As hard as it is, break that silence. Get support from family and friends that you trust.  Search for support in your area. There’s no shortcut or quick fix. It starts with acknowledgement of the issue and accountability. If you’re facing this issue in your family, break the silence, get help and support and set boundaries.

I hope this has been helpful.  I strongly encourage you to seek support.

If you are in the Kansas City area, you are welcome to me about Hope Ministries.  If you want to get your child help, I encourage you to contact someone that has experience in abuse.  In Kansas City area,  Synergy is a great place to start.  Be persistent, there are a lot in need out there and not enough resources.  

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me or leave it in the comment below.  If you are experiencing anything like this, please comment below.  Comments are helpful to others that read this post but also may be encouraging to you.

Peace and Blessings,

Please Leave A Comment Below!

This Post Has 36 Comments

  1. Gilberto Gasior

    I like the helpful info you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly.

    1. Ruthie Gilliland

      Thank you, Gillberto
      I am glad you found it helpful. God Bless!

  2. Pat Dufort

    With thanks! Valuable information!

    1. Ruthie Gilliland

      Thank you, Pat! I am glad I was able to be a help. I will be working on more content soon. God Bless!

    1. Ruthie Gilliland

      Thank you, Louis! I am glad you found it helpful.

  3. Tressa Hape

    Throughout this great scheme of things you actually secure an A for effort. Where you confused everybody ended up being in all the details. You know, people say, details make or break the argument.. And it couldn’t be more correct here. Having said that, let me tell you what exactly did give good results. The writing is actually rather convincing and this is possibly the reason why I am taking the effort to comment. I do not really make it a regular habit of doing that. Next, whilst I can easily see a leaps in reason you make, I am not really sure of just how you seem to connect the ideas that help to make the actual final result. For now I will yield to your issue however hope in the near future you actually connect the facts better.

    1. Ruthie Gilliland

      Hi Tressa,
      Thank you for your comment and you input. I do appreciate it as I am not a profession here. I just research the topics and present them to the best of my ability and hope that it helps someone. Your input is always welcome and I will do my best to put your suggestion into action. God Bless:)

  4. gamefly free trial

    Very good article. I certainly love this website. Stick with it!

    1. Ruthie Gilliland

      Thank you for your comment, glad you like it.
      Peace and Blessings!

    1. Ruthie Gilliland

      Glad to hear it, thank you for your comment.

  5. Guqinz

    I was more than happy to search out this web-site.I needed to thanks on your time for this excellent read!! I undoubtedly enjoying each little little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you blog post.

  6. Free Samples

    WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..more wait .. ?

  7. Freebies

    You made some clear points there. I looked on the internet for the issue and found most people will go along with with your blog.

  8. Hairstyles VIP

    It抯 really a cool and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you simply shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Hairstyles VIP

    I have been surfing online more than three hours as of late, but I never discovered any fascinating article like yours. It抯 beautiful price enough for me. In my view, if all website owners and bloggers made just right content as you probably did, the internet will probably be much more helpful than ever before.

  10. Short Hairstyles

    whoah this blog is fantastic i love reading your articles. Keep up the great work! You know, lots of people are searching around for this information, you could aid them greatly.

  11. Wedding Hairstyles

    Hmm it seems like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any recommendations for novice blog writers? I’d really appreciate it.

    1. Ruthie Gilliland

      I would encourage to decide what it is that your blog is going to be about first. Start with that to get your blog set up and than research what your writing about and just get started. You may have some trials and errors, but you will work those out with time.

  12. Hey! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
    There’s a lot of people that I think would really enjoy your content.
    Please let me know. Cheers

    1. Ruthie Gilliland

      Absolutely you can share it! Thank you for sharing.

  13. Short Hairstyles

    I just like the helpful information you supply to your articles. I抣l bookmark your weblog and take a look at again right here regularly. I’m somewhat sure I will be told many new stuff right here! Good luck for the following!

  14. Medium Hairstyles

    Wonderful goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too excellent. I actually like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it smart. I cant wait to read far more from you. This is actually a wonderful website.

  15. there coconut oil

    Greetings from Idaho! I’m bored to tears at work so I decided to check out your site on my iphone during lunch break.
    I really like the info you provide here and can’t wait to take a look
    when I get home. I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile ..

    I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, awesome site!


    Thanks for a marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author.I will remember to bookmark your blog and will
    eventually come back down the road. I want to encourage you to definitely continue your great
    writing, have a nice morning!

  17. SEO Company

    Awesome post! Keep up the great work! 🙂

  18. AffiliateLabz

    Great content! Super high-quality! Keep it up! 🙂

  19. cbd

    Hey there superb blog! Does running a blog similar
    to this take a massive amount work? I’ve virtually no
    expertise in computer programming but I was hoping to start my own blog in the near
    future. Anyways, should you have any recommendations or
    tips for new blog owners please share. I know this is off topic however I just had to ask.

  20. BrianTousa

    Wow, beautiful site. Thnx …

  21. Jamesdal

    Your data is amazingly appealing.

  22. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more
    than just your articles? I mean, what you say is fundamental and everything.
    But imagine if you added some great pictures or videos to give your posts more, “pop”!
    Your content is excellent but with images and video clips, this website could definitely be one of
    the very best in its field. Superb blog!

  23. I absolutely love your blog.. Pleasant colors & theme.
    Did you make this web site yourself? Please reply back as I’m wanting to create my very
    own site and would like to know where you got this from or what the theme is named.
    Appreciate it!

Comments are closed.