Hello there,

I am happy to be able to share this story with you.  Of course, there will be no names shared but the courageous story of this woman is very real.  When I met her for the first time, she had already begun to take her power back.  I am glad to be able to be a part of her journey, to see her strength and perseverance.  She brings inspiration and hope to other ladies and now she wants to share that with you.  I joke with her that she is a little firecracker.  She is a petite woman full of fire because she has taken her power back. Her story in her words! 

Peace and Blessings,

Ruthie

I had an emotional day today.  I had something that came up that caused a trigger in me, so I cried and cried and I purged it all out.  I felt a deep loss of time.  Loss of time with my friends, my family and most importantly, the loss I had within myself.  I had lost myself and I began to feel sad and then I felt angry at the man who abused me.  That put so much fear in my life.  I felt so helpless and ashamed.  I felt ashamed because I did not have the strength to protect myself and I hurt others along the way.  I had to go through so much pain and suffering until I didn’t fear death anymore.  Death seemed better than living with him.  But I didn’t want to die, I wanted life, a beautiful life. 

So, I started to speak up, I started to fight back and I started to see what a coward he was.  As he would strangle me, I would boldly say “Fucking kill me you coward, I’d rather die than live with you” and he would be thrown off by my resilience.

Until one day I left, unprepared, unknowing and unsure of his threats.  It was like an outer body experience.  I just kept my body going, but my mind couldn’t believe that I actually did it.  I was just going through the motions.  I packed a bag, my IDs and I stayed at a communal hotel in Chinatown until my Dad came and got me 2 days later.  I was alone and scared.  I prayed every night for God to protect me.  I also made a commitment to God in that hotel room to be my One and only God.  That I will no longer let any man have power over me again because there is only one God, and to Him, I give the power and the glory. 

I know God has protected me throughout the years.  Millions of women die from domestic violence.  Despite living with an evil man who was a self-righteous control freak, I knew God was with me during my sufferings.  The beatings, the verbal abuse, the constant criticism would go right through me.  He would say, “You worthless cock-sucking whore”, but I would hear a whisper in my head, “You are beautiful, you are worthy, you are pure.” I can’t explain why or how I was able to put up with so much pain for many years, I am not proud of it.  I do know I was deeply afraid, naive, young, isolated, financially vulnerable and verbally torn apart.  I am so grateful I got out of it. 

What do I have to show for the last 12 years:  Myself, I like who I am now, I like who I have become, strong, caring, empathetic, and humble.  A wise woman told me, “Suffering creates character and empathy, and you never know what God has planned out from all this.” 

I know since I left, God has brought the right people in my life and has provided me everything I needed.  I would pray morning and night for God to protect me financially, legally and physically from my abuser.  God had done that.  All of my legality and financial concerns are coming in place.  I prayed for God to help me get out of debt.  I was so concerned about my school debt.  I didn’t know how I was going to climb that mountain.  I had 100% faith that God was going to get me through it, and He did.

I made a settlement deal towards my Sallie Mae loan to pay a one lump sum of $7500.  (yes, that is only two zeros) that would dissolve my $152,000 student loan debt!!! It has relieved a big burden off my finances tremendously.  The power of prayer works.  I will never stop praying and put my trust in Him.  Ask and you shall receive.  When I tell people about my settlement deal, they can’t believe it.  All things are possible with God.

I am free, I no longer live in fear, and I am no longer afraid of him.  I dare him to try to come at me cause I am so on fire, nothing would hold me back.  He should be in jail but I trust in God that he has his day coming.  April-Mayish should be the time that I no longer have to associate with him.  Then I will change my phone number.  Everything is moving in process, actually faster than I ever predicted. 

I will heal, I will move on….in time.  I will find myself again.  I am so blessed to have friends that let me cry on their shoulders.  I am so grateful for my Grandmother who has given me a safe place to call home and will listen to me pour my heart out for hours.  I thank everyone for welcoming me back with open arms.  I know I may seem different but I am gradually coming back….as a better, brighter person.  I am on fire!