Hello there,

In my recent post, Self Defense Techniques in Domestic Violence, I said I would write a post about protecting yourself against allegations.  Unfortunately, this is also very important because my experience has overwhelmingly showed me that your abuser will do everything to make it look like not only “HE” is the victim but he will also do what ever it takes to make you look crazy in order to take everything from you including your kids.

I use to think the law is on our side ladies, but honestly, that is not always the case in domestic abuse.  In one of my upcoming posts maybe I will talk about some things about the law that you may be shocked to hear.  I have learned a lot about this in the past year due to an abuse situation that is very close to me.  It really saddens me that these abusive men have so much power.  The law is still way behind when it comes to domestic abuse but more on that next time.  

If you are reading this and are in an abusive relationship, please take this serious.  I have walked this abuse road with many women including someone very close to me.  I know how it goes and I know that you don’t want to make your abuser go to jail.  You love him, right?  Just humor me, what does it hurt to plan ahead…..just in case?  

When discussing domestic violence,  self defense tips against allegations must be talked about. I said it before and I will continue to say it, the best defense is a well planned offense.

Abusers are master manipulators and they will even tell you what they will do in order to try to control you. Abusers inflict pain while being strategic about where they do it so that it can be hidden by your clothes or won’t show marks until hours later.  When you are being attacked, you are in survival mode.  You are not thinking about marks on your attacker, you are doing what you have to do to get away.

Unfortunately, when the police are called, victims can be accused of being the abuser. It is another way abuser’s manipulate the situation to maintain control.  Believe me, I have seen it happen even when the victim’s leg was severely broken and she had her head pounded in the ground to the point of causing her to be in and out of consciousness.  Somehow, her abuser manipulated that situation and she found herself facing charges when her abuser was unharmed.  

Be smart about how you defend yourself.  If you fight back, do just the minimum to get free and safely away. Leave the rest to your attorney and the courts.  Stuff can be replaced, your life can’t.   

Do not let the threat of an accusation stop you from defending yourself, or calling the police.  Be very honest when you talk to the police and explain in detail what he did  It is also important that you explain your actions.

AN IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE! 

Let me make it very clear that when the police are called, you have to tell them the truth and tell them everything. If you protect your abuser and down play his role, you are playing right into his hands and this can cause you to be the one in jail.  Your abuser is “Always” thinking of himself and how he can escape any consequences.  Protecting him just helps him to make it look like you are the abuser.  

Make sure you act only in self defense.  Your abuser will make them self look good while sharing partial facts to blend in the truth.  You must speak up for yourself if you do not want to be arrested.  The police report will be part of your paper trail of abuse. The police did not see what happened.  As embarrassing as it is, for your safety and the safety of your children you must tell the truth.  

In my upcoming post, I will talk more about making a paper trail and also share more about some things with the law that you probably don’t know about.  I am sure you will find it as unbelievable as I do.  

Meanwhile, think of yourself and your children.  Plan ahead for your protection and don’t ever let your abuser know about any of your plans for safety.  

Peace and Blessings,

Ruthie